Emmanuel God with us.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaish 41:10

Remember when we were young and we played “Where’s Waldo?”, how frustrating it was when we couldn’t find him. That is the same with God, everyday we wake up and we ask “Where’s God?”. Sometimes we can feel him right next to us and sometimes we search and search for him but He is no where to be found.

This past week have consisted of frustrations, anguish, and a whole lot of waiting. It’s fine when I keep myself busy but when I have just a little bit of free time, it hits me and it’s not a pretty sight. Despite all that, I manage to find that little faith in me to hang on, to close my eyes and keeping searching for God when I couldn’t find him.

At the time when you don’t expect it the most, it all comes together and He surprises you, one thing after another. God excites me, His plan for me excites me. I am so excited to see God reveal His plan for me.

I couldn’t have gone this far without so many people and most importantly God. Everyone has helped me along the way whether you realize it or not, anything from the little comment of encouragement to helping me financially or editing my college essays. I thank you for that. 

When I found out, you have no doubt that I was high up in the sky, I was stoked for what’s coming next, stoked to study in the program that I am admitted to. Although it might seem as though I have everything good, there is a part of me wanting to share the joy with you. It doesn’t seem right celebrating without you, you were with me every step of the way and you pushed me to accomplish things that I would not have otherwise.

The next six months will be the final stretch of high school. It’s great not having to worry anymore. Hang in there if you are still waiting, it will all come together through God. When you can’t see Him, have faith and hang in there. He is right next to you, waiting for you to turn to Him.

Lord You know our hearts don’t deserve Your glory
still You show a love we cannot afford

all that is within me cries for You alone
be glorified Emmanuel God with us
my heart sings a brand new song
the debt is paid these chains are gone
Emmanuel God with us.

Trusting in Him,

Enough said.

“Who turned Christians just the last few years? Do you remember what you were like before you became a Christian?” Derek asked.I started to ponder the question and thought about the difference before and now. I thought about the experiences that lead me to believe in God. It’s a strange thought, to be saved, to be re-born and to be able to start a new life.

Have you been walking on a surface that’s uncertain?
Have you helped yourself to everything that’s empty? yeah!
You can’t live it’s way too long.
There’s more than this, more than this.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?

Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone.
It will be gone, it will be gone

Are you carrying the weight too much?, are you running from the call?

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?

Those are some of the lyrics to Let it fade, by Jeremy Camp. Those questions are what many of us think about, we all want to fit in, we all want to just be happy but when God wasn’t a part of my life, I depended on what the world showed me, I looked up to the world’s expectations and followed the world’s “trends”. The friends I had were different, the hobbies I had and the things I did for fun were different, I spent time doing things for my own temporary satisfaction.

It’s fascinating how much I have changed personally. I don’t even know how to explain it. Though others might not have seen much of a change in me, but everyday I wake up and know that God is in my heart and He is taking care of me, I feel a sense of calmness, a sense of peace. To know that I am not just another person on this earth, but I am God’s creation and a part of God’s family.

Are you carrying that weight and that burden by yourself?

You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest you will find rest.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Time after time, we give ourself away and we end up heart broken. All we want is someone to protect our heart, someone to hold it with all their might and all their love but you know what? That person is here with us ALL the time. That person is our Father, our Friend, He is the ONLY one who has and will protect us and love us forever. His love lasts forever and he cares about us more than anyone in this world will ever care.

Then WHY do we always crave for the kind of love in another person other than God? we seek out love knowing that we will be hurt. we crave it when we know God is always offering His, and His love is greater than any other.

no one ELSE deserves our whole heart

nobody deserves to be heart broken.
nobody deserves to feel that pain.

because that pain you feel…. won’t heal itself. it won’t ever fully go away, you just have to try your best to deal with it. even though it’s damn hard, especially when everything around you tells you otherwise.

once you’ve given it away even the slightest bit, you have to fight yourself to try and get it back.  day after day, the pain builds and hits you at the worse times. At that time, as much as you know that God is there and that’s what matters, the pain doesn’t go away.

so take care of your heart.

even if you have to be over protective over it.

Your great love is higher than the heavens
Your great love is stronger than the seas
Your great love is bigger than universe we see
And still, your love, your love is for me

The Vine recording was a success and very enjoyable. God’s presence was with us and definitely allowed many of us to give outrageously. Now as I sit at home in front of my computer, I feel tears coming down my face as I listen to these songs over and over again.

During one of the songs tonight, I dropped down to my knees and didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t sing, and it was hard to talk to God. It was like there was a wall between God and I that I couldn’t break down. I looked down on the floor for a while and closed my eyes listening to the music playing. I suddenly felt a hand on my back, and at the same time, tears started to drop down my face. Two of my good friends dropped down on their knees next to me and one of them started praying for me. Tears couldn’t help but fall down my face, I wanted to run to God and let him restore me.

One of the many things I thought about tonight was why sometimes many of us fall away from God or won’t let ourselves to God. The fear of the unknown. It means to take ourselves out and away from our comfort zone and trust in something we might or might not know much about. It’s a scary thought. God telling us to follow him is like when a friend asks us to do something and we automatically ask “why? what are you going to do to me? what’s going to happen?”. Because we don’t know what’s going to happen and what its all about, we become protective and automatically close off our heart, we close off the option of anything getting into our hearts, to avoid ourselves from something uncomfortable.

When Levina got on her knees next to me and laid both hands on me as well as started praying for me, I started tearing, while listening to the song “Your Great Love”. It was like God was showing me that I don’t have to be afraid to open up my heart fully, to let myself into the risk because He loves us and will never abandon us. Although I know His love for me is great, I am still selfish and wanting to hold on tight to a part of my heart, to want to be in control, afraid of having my heart broken. I still struggle and will continue to struggle for a long time.

Oh, open up the heaven’s Lord
Oh, let your love restore this world