During communion,we had a time to think about our sins, confess our sins and think about our walk with God. I then realized that I was off the road. I have always known that life is a long road, and we’re walking with God down that path. Once we stray away, we are not with God anymore, we believe we can walk and control the road by ourselves. That’s when things get hard, and we blame God for it.

The past few days, few weeks I have been so uptight about school, meeting new people, and a bunch of other things, I forgot to be in love with God and to live everyday for him. It has been put back to the back of my mind and everything else was first. That’s when Satan attacked me, at my weakest point with my relationship with Christ. He tempted me to go a different path, and I took it. So many times, I have been upset and quiet for reasons I don’t even know. I search for reasons that I’m upset, and I realize I am looking for the wrong thing. I am not following God’s plan anymore, I am looking for my own satisfaction and it’s not there.

God implicates to us .. “you should not feel good about yourself because of what other people think but because of what I think” I have to stop looking for what a specific person will think of me, stop trying to impress. We are God’s adam and eve and his love for us is overflowing.

“Why do bad things happen? Because it keeps us aware of our lack of control” was one thing the sermon talked about this morning. There are so many distractions, we can’t control everything. Going to school will tempt me in so many ways, but I trust that God will give me the strength and the wisdom to stay on the path, on the journey with Him.

Once again, He proves to me that He always knows what we need to hear at the time we need to hear it the most. Not only for me, but for everyone, I pray that you are on the right track, letting God guide you through his plan because “instead of being in our own story where we are the main character, we are a part of a bigger story, God’s story”.

To my best friend: I pray that you give “her” strength to trust in you and take the risk, that you are there for her every step of the way, that she looks for guidance through you instead of letting her own emotions do the job. Decisions are always hard, and not knowing what to do is even harder. This is when she needs you the most, to bury her fears and overcome them. For that to happen, I pray that she will come to you looking for the answer.

Cheers!

What’s wrong with silence?
What is it that silence makes people feel uncomfortable?
Why do people always have to fill the air with words?

That above was said by Morrie Schwartz. I can watch that movie a million times and not get bored of it. Everything he said is so true about life, and that we all miss out on. Whenever there’s awkward moments, I think of that. I can go on quoting him for ages, because every word he says has a meaning, has a lesson we can learn.

Have you ever been in a mood where you just don’t feel like smiling or happy? But you don’t really know exactly what’s wrong either. Maybe I do, but I’d like to believe that’s not the reason. I’ve been in that mood a few times, and it’s not great. I’d like others to know I’m in that mood but I also feel bad. It’s not good and I need to get things straighten out.

My good friend once told me objects are never just objects anymore, they are objects endowed with meaning. I occasionally look back to that email, and smile at what he’s written. The memories are stuck in your mind. It’s such a beautiful thought that wherever you go, you will think of something that sticks with it.

I look from far away towards the stanley rocks, and I think of you. I keep coming back even though I know I shouldn’t. You have changed me, in ways never imagined. I think of the things we plan to do and I smile. We are in two different worlds, and yet you still care so much. It amazes me. I wait for the next time we will meet.

God. I really believe you put me through this. To teach me a lesson. A big lesson. Inside the big lesson, I’ve learned a few of them, but I haven’t gotten to the top. The big smack in the face reminder. Show me the way for you are the truth, the way and the light.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

– Psalm 37: 3-5

Something I ask.

Cheers!

1) I’ve missed you the past week. I haven’t seen you in a few weeks and it bugs me. I think about you often and wonder how you’re doing. Even though when we hang out, I don’t have much to say. It’s good to hear from you and to know that you’re back in town. Seeing your name on top of the text message makes me smile, it reassures me everytime that you haven’t forgotten about me. I hope to see you soon.

2) Some friends say they can see us together. It’s funny. But everytime I see you, I smile. We have our silence moments and we have our jokey moments and to me, they’re all good. Getting text messages from you are always a plus. When you smile at me, it makes me warm. I can’t wait till I get to know you even more…

3) Hynah. We need to hang out.

4) I haven’t hung out with you two for a while. And we need to hang out because I miss it! Even though half the time is spent with you guys making fun of me. You guys give me advice and insights and make me laugh at the same time.

Just thought I’d write something like this.

For my chinese homework, I had to rewrite my poem and decorate it. I wrote my poem about “I am a drum” I didn’t know how to decorate it beside during a drum. I don’t have a printer so I had to draw. I attempted to draw a drumset, and I’m quite proud of it and I even feel a little artistic. I also drew Conga’s which I also have a picture of, but I like the drumset more. What do you guys think?

You know what else? I came home from a long day or school today. and recieved a package. I was and am still so excited. I ordered two dvd’s and a book from amazon.com and I love it. I usually would watch them before I do anything else, but today, I worked on my homework and finished before 6. Which is very surprising but a good feeling. Then I got to watching one of the dvds. Tuesdays with Morrie. I have read the book so many times, I have many of the quotes and scenes memorized, but it is so powerful to not just read about it but see it through a movie. It made me cry.

Everyday, I wake up and ask the little bird on my shoulder, “Is today the day I’m going to die? Have I lived the life that I want? Have I gone down a fulfilled path?”

It is  refreshing to hear these things. To think about what we’re actually doing. Are we helping the community, are we helping others or are we just being selfish and doing everything for the good of ourselves? Life is so much shorter than we think is it. Everyday we have a risk of dying and losing everything we have. Sometimes we are afraid to love because we are afraid to lose them, so we stop even loving to prevent hurting ourselves. That is not what we are called to do, what we should do, we should open our hearts to whoever comes into our life and enjoy the time we have.

It’s been a rough day at school. Not classesbut just in general. It was the first FISH day of the year. FISH is a christian club lead by student leaders, today our advisor decided to invite the High School Principal to speak. Whom not many students like her since the first day of school assembly. It hurts to know that so many people did not go just because she was speaking. I would be one of them I have to admit, but I decided to give her a chance, besides I was one of the leaders. She did talk about her faith and I have to give her credit for that, but alot of times she talked about acadamics, school, how teachers and parents were there to help you work and study. I did not enjoy that at all, it was suppose to be an enviornment where we need not to be reminded of school but to praise and worship God. I felt it was a bad start to the year, would many people come after today? Would they have an bad impression of Fish? I don’t know, but I cannot change what has happened, I just have to pray that it will get better and I will feel better about it, pray that God leads me through this experience and through this year.

Sometimes to lift your mood, you don’t need everything to work out the way you want to. Of course, that’s what you wish for. But don’t have such high expectation! I came home from SAT tutor and having a krispy kreme donut and started working. I finished my work for tomorrow, and continued working for thursday. I was so productive, I didn’t want to stop, It’s scaring myself a little, but I’m quite proud of myself. I have a feeling I will do well this year and it will be good. And the thought of that makes me smile.

A friend of mine showed me how much he cared about me tonight and it makes me happy. It makes my heart warm, when not only he sends a message afterschool wondering if I was alright. Because I didn’t reply, he sent me another one quite a few hours later asking again because he hasn’t heard from me. He also offered for me to call him to talk if I wanted to. He is a new student this year and don’t know much about me, and yet he cares enough to send me a simple text message. Sometimes that’s what we need, someone that is on the edge of our life to step in to our life and let us know that they care.

What is this? You’re probably thinking right now. This is a pen that my parent’s friend brought for me from Brunei. My dad walked into the room with this while I was doing my homework and freaked me out a little bit. I grinned when I saw this. Not only it’s 11 inches long, it’s actually a real pen and you can use it- although it is a little hard. It’s awesome, everytime I look at it- i continue to grin at it.

This has been long and I promise I’ll end with this. I had photography class today and I needed a camara. Jon, regardless of whether he went home late or not, he woke up at 6:30 in the morning, not normal for him. trust me. He drove over to my house, gave me the camara and drove me to school. Seeing him at 7:15 in the morning is new, it was good to see him though, especially at the beginning of the day. The past few days I haven’t been talking to him as much, cause I’ve been at school and he’s been well… Busy. Thank you though, not many people are willing to do that so damn early in the morning. Hynah.

Cheers!