It’s been six months since graduation, I am more than thankful than everything that I have done, my summer vacation with family, living with my brother, collecting memorable stories from working at the hostel and traveling way more than I had imagined- but here I am, still empty and searching.
This post, like many, is more for my own self reflection than an update on my life so please bare with me if it starts to sound pessimistic and not all that grand. It’s important to let down your guard at times and embrace those thoughts eating your mind away.
I struggle and I’m scared. I’m scared because I want more, but I don’t know what. There are few things I am certain of, but various factors prevent actualizing those things I want. I’m scared because no one told me after years of education and mentorship, I would still be left semi empty handed, with no direction in life, and fearful of the life I am or am not building.
Alas, it’s okay because maybe that’s exactly how I should feel. Maybe I was never told because I was meant to go through it so I can pass on the knowledge on how to deal with it. After all, my most valuable lessons learnt were through struggles in the past, in moments of fear, doubt and uncertainty.
Trust me, I know what to do. I am aware of the actions I need to take in order to kick this fear out of my head. I know a year from now I’ll look back and laugh at myself. But for now, I’m scared- and that’s okay.
Joanne Lam 