Something came into my mind just an hour or so ago.
A few months back, during Chinese New Year, I went to El Nido for VWAP. Vacation with a purpose. Every day, Andy Braner lead the high school group and discussed varies topics in depth. Towards the last few days, we talked about letting go. More specifically letting go of a grudge, or a bad relationship with someone.
Letting go of the past and giving it all to God.
We did a little activity. We each found a rock that portrayed the relationship, or portrayed how we felt. We took our rocks, strolled to the side of the ocean while quietly meditating on the thing we needed to let go of. Once we got there, I prayed asking God to offer us a new heart, a new perspective, a new attitude. Prayed that I could just give it all up to Him, and not have to think about it or worry about it again.
At that point, I really wanted to be able to let go but I had doubts. I doubted myself and I doubted God. I didn’t really trust that I could let go of it all just like that. After we prayed, we threw our rocks into the ocean, as far as we could. Who knows where the Rock is now?
As much as I doubted myself and God, I JUST realized that it all came true. As I think back to before El Nido, I struggled every day with the same problem, the same thoughts and frustrations went through my mind but the moment I came back from El Nido- I knew I was able to confront the problem, and I did.
I confronted the problem, and it was over. Finally over.
And to my surprise, I didn’t have any second thoughts.
I felt a sense of peace within myself. God gave me the strength that I needed. He took on my problems so I could be a different person, I could live life differently. For some reason, I didn’t realize how much He worked until now.
I guess that’s what happens with most of us. God works in our life, but most of the time, we don’t notice what He’s done until later. We notice that the experiences He puts us through, the struggles that we go through are all for the better. and you know what… I love Him for that.
On a side note, I pray that you have a little more faith. You have doubts all over, you make conclusions about people based on the life they were born into. It’s damn frustrating! But whatever you say, nothing is going to change. I’m reaching out and I’m not afraid to. I am not going to stay on the sideline just to protect myself.