These scare me… a tug in my heart

“Why don’t you go to China instead? There are lots of poor people there.”
…
“I have a connection with Cambodia. My heart is in Cambodia.”
“So shift your heart.”

I haven’t felt my heart being tugged at this amount in a while. It was weird. I was given the opportunity but I couldn’t get myself to say that God has called me to Cambodia. Here’s the difference, there are things that I feel I can’t quite express it because I know it would not be understood. I choked, I stuttered, I stopped for a second before I said “My heart is in Cambodia.”  I didn’t know how else to put it.

These are the times when I worry that even if you have been to Cambodia, nothing will change.  I want to show you what my life is about, what I am about but I can only do that if you let me. God has given me such an extraordinary opportunity with Logos International, and with you guys. I pray that He will allow me to share without getting frustrated, allow me to share in the way that you would understand as well as allow your hearts to open up to other things that might not be so familiar to you.

I can’t simply just shift my heart. Even if I can, I wouldn’t want to. Sure there are many poor people in China, but doesn’t that go for any other place in the world? God has placed Cambodia in my heart and created a plan for me, and that’s what’s important to me. It becomes so hard trying to show you what I enjoy, what I have and will dedicate my life to- but at the same time, trying not to be frustrated when it doesn’t get through as well as I want it to.

God has brought me this far, and He know He is there and will be there for the rest of the way. This tug in my heart only reminds me how important this is to Him that I stay calm, to trust in Him and all things will work out in His plan.  Lord, I pray that you continue to work in me, continue to put that stillness in my heart, I know that only you know the best for me. I pray that you open up their hearts and allow us to communicate. I pray that you allow things to go smoothly. You are amazing. 

You’re all my Life is about.