there’s a reason we still think about it

I really should be reviewing for my Spanish Exam tomorrow but during my study session with my best friend tonight, we were able to get some good conversations in between our studious studying and laughing at waiters.

Every day we ponder the big “What IFs” in our life. What if this didn’t happen? What if I didn’t say this? Would everything still be the same? What happened along the way…  and what if I was able to change it?

So many things have happened in the last year, for better or for worse. Our life has been changed, it has been influenced and WE individually has grown and changed along the way. There are things we like about ourselves now, and some things we wish we can change. All we can do is to strive to be a better person every day when we wake up.

Every day when I wake up, I can’t help but wonder ‘what exactly happened along the way?’ why are things the way they are now? Think about it for a while, but once we have that out of our head- we move on to the next agenda for the day.

Lately (been a while), I have been lead astray and I have had lots of questions and I have been doing lots of things out of my usual routine and what others expect of me. Even though questions have flooded my mind, I continue to hold on. The fact that we still think about it and ponder upon it gives me enough reason to know that we am still the same person, we still care.

There’s a reason it still hangs in the back of my head.  I am hanging at the end of the rope and only You can pull me back. We fight and we feel like we are no longer on the rope, but You know what we are dealing with. We pray for years, and nothing happens. Not only can we not see anything good, things seem to get worse. We want to give up and let go, but You hold on to Us and never let go.

Sometimes we can only hold on for so long,

Can you please show us something?

Amen.