All eyes on me

Ever felt left out? Ever felt like you didn’t belong somewhere? Ever felt like all the eyes around were on you, giving you the “look”? I had a little experience today. Not that I really care, but it hurts to see that this part of our school community can be so un-accepting.

I’ve always thought, as well as other people’s opinion I’ve heard – that the HKIS Community is very opening to new students. Perhaps many people are, but today’s event is enough to change my mind, at least a little bit. People say, hkis is an easy place to adapt to socially. People who’ve been in HKIS for a long time, including myself would believe that way, but that’s because we’ve gone through so much, met so many friends through out the year. I’ve realized that if you are not considered ‘cool’, hkis is an extremely hard place to adapt to socially, and that hurts, to me as a person and as an ambassador of the school.

After chinese today, I had lunch with two new friends. They are both lower classmen and moved from a local chinese school in Hong Kong. I figured it won’t hurt to have lunch with them and just chill out with them, considering they are having a hard time settling down socially. We went into the cafeteria, sat down at a table right behind one of the so called “cool & popular” group. We got our lunch, sat down and started eating.

You have to understand I use to be in this ‘group’. They are use to be my closest friends, at least I thought they were. So I know all of them, and they all knew me but just me and not the two guys sitting next to me on the table.

For the five minutes that I sat there, it felt like the longest time. Why? Because I felt eyes all around me. Even though I knew those people, said Hi to them. I still felt their eyes, I didn’t even have to look at their face to feel the look on the face means: “What the hell are you doing here? Don’t you know this is our section? Who the heck are these two guys? You’re in the wrong place, get out.”

I decided to get outa there and eat outside the cafeteria. Even when we were walking out, I could still see out of the corner of my eye all their faces following us, all the eyes with us until we were out of the caf. You know what’s the worse thing? I’m not a new student, I’ve been at HKIS since third grade and I still feel this way. I’d be absolutly terrified if I was a new student, would you not?!

This is for the most part, the reason why I don’t like the cafeteria.

Even if you have lots of friends. Even if that table is where you usually sit. Does that give you the right to treat others like crap? Perhaps they are younger than you, does that still give you the right to act like a fool and superior? The people who walk away are not fools, the people who try to act superior are the fools.

Perhaps it is like this at every school. We know it happens, but you never understand how it feels until you are in that situation. It’s heart breaking to know that some of our community is this way, hear breaking to know that it is so hard to adapt to socially. Perhaps I’ve done it to people before, give them the ‘look’ and not accepting of them, and I’m sorry.

I can go on and on about this. But I will end. I only wish that everyone would understand how it feels to be that “new kid”, to not be accepted, to have all eyes on them everywhere they go. God tells us to be kind, to be patient, treat others as you would like to be treated, and to reach out. We all need to be reminded of that once in a while.

Jo Delight!