All eyes on me

Ever felt left out? Ever felt like you didn’t belong somewhere? Ever felt like all the eyes around were on you, giving you the “look”? I had a little experience today. Not that I really care, but it hurts to see that this part of our school community can be so un-accepting.

I’ve always thought, as well as other people’s opinion I’ve heard – that the HKIS Community is very opening to new students. Perhaps many people are, but today’s event is enough to change my mind, at least a little bit. People say, hkis is an easy place to adapt to socially. People who’ve been in HKIS for a long time, including myself would believe that way, but that’s because we’ve gone through so much, met so many friends through out the year. I’ve realized that if you are not considered ‘cool’, hkis is an extremely hard place to adapt to socially, and that hurts, to me as a person and as an ambassador of the school.

After chinese today, I had lunch with two new friends. They are both lower classmen and moved from a local chinese school in Hong Kong. I figured it won’t hurt to have lunch with them and just chill out with them, considering they are having a hard time settling down socially. We went into the cafeteria, sat down at a table right behind one of the so called “cool & popular” group. We got our lunch, sat down and started eating.

You have to understand I use to be in this ‘group’. They are use to be my closest friends, at least I thought they were. So I know all of them, and they all knew me but just me and not the two guys sitting next to me on the table.

For the five minutes that I sat there, it felt like the longest time. Why? Because I felt eyes all around me. Even though I knew those people, said Hi to them. I still felt their eyes, I didn’t even have to look at their face to feel the look on the face means: “What the hell are you doing here? Don’t you know this is our section? Who the heck are these two guys? You’re in the wrong place, get out.”

I decided to get outa there and eat outside the cafeteria. Even when we were walking out, I could still see out of the corner of my eye all their faces following us, all the eyes with us until we were out of the caf. You know what’s the worse thing? I’m not a new student, I’ve been at HKIS since third grade and I still feel this way. I’d be absolutly terrified if I was a new student, would you not?!

This is for the most part, the reason why I don’t like the cafeteria.

Even if you have lots of friends. Even if that table is where you usually sit. Does that give you the right to treat others like crap? Perhaps they are younger than you, does that still give you the right to act like a fool and superior? The people who walk away are not fools, the people who try to act superior are the fools.

Perhaps it is like this at every school. We know it happens, but you never understand how it feels until you are in that situation. It’s heart breaking to know that some of our community is this way, hear breaking to know that it is so hard to adapt to socially. Perhaps I’ve done it to people before, give them the ‘look’ and not accepting of them, and I’m sorry.

I can go on and on about this. But I will end. I only wish that everyone would understand how it feels to be that “new kid”, to not be accepted, to have all eyes on them everywhere they go. God tells us to be kind, to be patient, treat others as you would like to be treated, and to reach out. We all need to be reminded of that once in a while.

Jo Delight!

6 thoughts on “All eyes on me

  1. Nancy says:

    Wow, that must have SUCKED! But why’d you leave! Should have stared back or something man haha I would have sooo done that.. or said “what!” haha.

    I hope you feel better 🙂

    But yeah, no matter what, it’s good that the new sophomores got to meet YOU instead of THEM right?

    Okay later!
    xoxo
    THE N

  2. nanda says:

    here’s you SHORT deep comment (find the deeper meaning yourself). i’ve been here a year and a half, and im still trying to settle down and fit in.

  3. Jessie says:

    i dont think anyone ever really fits into HKIS and i think its sad that way, people are so critical and so unaccepting of everyone. for me…i’ve been at HKIS since R1…i settled down and got comfortable, only to find out that high school would completely change that. i guess its just a part of growing up. you realize who your true friends are, you realize how immature some people can be and yeah it hurts to realize that, but in the end, you’re glad it all happened.
    btw….when was the last time we hung out woman!? because that seriously needs to happen soon. you free on friday before encounter?
    love xx

  4. Emily says:

    i would have cried all the time if i went to a school like hkis. luckily i had my little nerd group and we knew we were nerds, but everyone else just let us be. =) it takes guts to stand up and be the bigger people, props to you girls!

  5. corrie says:

    interesting post jo! i definitely agree that HKIS does have some ugly sides, however i also strongly believe it isn’t as bas as everyone is making it out to be…regardless of place or location, schools are always going to have people who are rude, obnoxious, uninviting, not tolerant, and selfish. it’s a shame, honestly, how jaded, judgmental and clicky we can be, but frankly that’s how every school is…i’m sorry you had to go through this experience, i’m sure it was frustrating and disappointing for you. but i know a lot of students, a lot of people who undergo that kind of “outcast” and cold shoulder, who are in worse case than we are. i suppose, at the end of the day, it puts things into perspective. while HKIS may be weak in some areas, it’s also important to look at it’s strong qualities, not that i’m trying to side with the school or advocate something..i don’t know. i guess i’m trying to be a little more open to the possibility that these experiences, while reinstating that the school has issues, perhaps it’s also a tool for us to become more aware of the problem and do something about it..i don’t know. i’m just rambling. but yeah. Anyways! I’m so tired. Sorry for this really boring comment…blah. Hahaha. there’s been a lot of messages about forgiveness and second chance and things like that..which has been ironic and “funny”..perhaps perhaps omg where am i going with this. i’m going to shut up now. my mind is going crazy!

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