I don’t know. Am I disappointing you guys? Is it wrong to want to be happy instead of sticking with it and dreading and crying over it everyday? Am I that useless like you said, if i stop it will be like I have nothing left? Is it going to ruin my transcript and my resume like you said? Am I avoiding things? Is it wrong to do this? Is Satan getting to me? What does God want me to do now? Wait.. just wait.. maybe the sermon on Sunday was directed towards me. waiting is not wasted. Oh I don’t know…
That’s all I can say right now. Talking to parents, friends about the situation and I get mixed feelings, pros and cons. The final decisionis up to me and nobody can make my decision for me, but what do i want? Most importantly, what does God want?
There is a reason God put me through this, and I know there’s a lesson to be learnt and I am just waiting for the answer, there are so many thoughts going through my head I don’t know what to think first. I get rid of one thought and another comes into mind. I’m still trying to figure things out and already you put words into my mouth. Ugh.. I just want to figure things out with myself and God. This is not easy as you think it is, you don’t you are right, no matter what choice I make there is a lesson to be learnt, but telling me what that lesson is won’t help. One thing I have learnt in life is you learn from experiences and you telling me what’s wrong with me and what i should do better is just making me annoyed and more upset.
I love my friends and my teammates for sticking behind me and reassuring me that no matter what, they are behind me and will support my decision. I love you guys for that, you don’t know how much you mean to me.
I don’t know.. God guide me. lead me.