While I was at encounter tonight and we were singing, something hit me that didn’t last night. I was tired last night so I didn’t really talk about talking to my friend last night. It hit me today that it was mostly my fault that we haven’t talked in so long. I started feeling like things were falling apart between us because another person was in her life now, so I tried waiting for her to talk to me and made myself miserable at the same time.
I didn’t really have any close friends in the past two weeks, I felt like I had no one to talk to and it was hard especially when other things are getting in the way as well. It hurts even more when I thought that the other person had somebody more important – aka boyfriend or girlfriend – and that they didn’t need me. But talking to my friend yesterday made me rethink, listenning to her talk about her problems with school, grades, family, life – it hurt me to know that things have been bad for her this whole time and I haven’t been there for her. On my selfish side, it was also satisfying to know that things have been bad not talking to me.. but that’s beside the point.
It was not just one thing that had been bothering her, it had many been multiple things. So many things, so many problems this whole time and what was I thinking? I was thinking that she is too busy with her boyfriend to talk to me. I am so wrong.. and I hate myself for thinking that way.
Think about our relationship with God. Compare that to our relationship with our friends. The difference is that there are times we have conflict with our friends and we just hate them for a brief moment, sometimes for longer, sometimes we fall apart and lose contact. But our relationship with God is different, He will always love us and always be there for us even if we somehow lead into a different road other than towards Him and with Him. We are called to be God-like and the way I have been acting is not God-like.
So many times we have our own friends, and we are so caught up in having fun with them, spending time we them, we lead to a different road, we go away from God and He feels the same way I have felt the past two weeks. Disappointed, let down, upset. But even though he might feel that way, His love for us will not change, he has his arms and his heart wide open waiting for us to come back. He will plan things for us that will cause us to go back to Him. If he can do that, why can’t we? Why can’t we – instead of being upset at that friend and jumping to conclusions – go to them, be there for them and have open arms and an open heart and wait?
You know who you are, I’m sorry I haven’t been there. I’m sorry I didn’t know anything that was happening. Its been a rough past few weeks for all of us but I know things will get better. I’m sorry if it felt like I was mad, I just didn’t know how to react everyday when I saw you guys together. It was like I didn’t like seeing you guys together, but that’s such a selfish thought and I’m sorry. I don’t know if it affected you as much as it did to me but not talking to you was hard, it was like I just lost a best friend and I didn’t know who else to go to. Trust in God, pray and He will answer prayers. Things will get better, I know it.
Though it might seem like I am fine now, I still struggle every day with that problem with more than one person. It is a hard thought to wrap around my head, it is hard not to feel like they have stopped caring for you, but with God by my side, it will be easier and I know he will give me the strength to do whatever I need to do and heal me, comfort me when I am down.
I hope that made sense. Maybe it didn’t affect you as much as it affected me, but I hope non-the-less, you have gotten something from it because I won’t believe you if you told me you have never been in the same position as I have, never felt the same way as I have.